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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23726038">you’re not gruesome, just human</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/gayboyblues/pseuds/gayboyblues'>gayboyblues</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Haikyuu!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Aroace Kageyama Tobio, Gay Character(s), Gen, Sugamama, Trans Character(s), Trans Female Character, Trans Female Kageyama Tobio, Trans Male Character, Trans Male Hinata Natsu, aroace character, kageyama’s name is asuka, suga is mom, the first year squad makes an appearance at the end real quick because i love them</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 23:00:59</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,686</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23726038</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/gayboyblues/pseuds/gayboyblues</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Kageyama is back in Miyagi for the first time in almost six years. Running into a familiar face on a grocery trip was the last thing she was hoping would happen.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Background Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi, Hinata Shouyou &amp; Kageyama Tobio, Kageyama Tobio &amp; Sugawara Koushi, Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi (mentioned)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>168</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>you’re not gruesome, just human</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Some trans girl Kags to heal your soul in these trying times. Title is from It’s Alright by Mother Mother.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Being back in Miyagi makes Asuka anxious. It’s not so bad staying with the Hinata family, but there are so many people here that she used to know before that she’s terrified of running into.</p><p> </p><p>She’s not ashamed, it’s not that. She hasn’t been ashamed since her parents found her out in her third year of high school and kicked her out of their house with nothing more than the clothes on her back and their brutal insults still ringing in her ears, when Shouyou came the moment she phoned him and helped pick her disheveled and sniveling form up from the ground and screamed everything that she couldn’t at her parents for leaving her outside to rot with the garbage. She’ll never forget the fire that was in his eyes that day; it was more wild than anything she had ever seen, even on the court.</p><p> </p><p>She’s not ashamed anymore, because Shouyou made sure that day that she knew there was no reason to believe anything her parents said, that there was no way his setter could be anything less than perfect, on or off the court. Shouyou told her a lot of things about her that night, tucked away in his small room, that she hadn’t even realized herself.</p><p> </p><p>He told her she was brilliant: an amazing volleyball player, an outstanding setter, a good teammate. He told her that wanting the team to push the limits of their abilities did not make her a bad person and not knowing how to communicate properly did not make her evil. He told her that being a woman in a man’s body did not make her a monster.</p><p> </p><p>He told her that, man or woman or evil monster, they were best friends, and that would never change.</p><p> </p><p>So, no, she’s not ashamed, and she hasn’t been for eight years. But when she sees Sugawara Koushi perusing the aisles of the grocery store she’s stopped at to pick up something for lunch the third day into their visit, she is definitely terrified.</p><p> </p><p>Suga hasn’t seen her yet, busy humming to himself as he looks over a pile of produce, and Asuka is about to just abandon her search and return home empty-handed to explain to Shouyou and his mom why she hadn’t picked up what she was asked to, but at that moment, as she’s deciding, Suga turns in her direction, and the recognition dawning on his face decides for her.</p><p> </p><p>“Kageyama!” He waves to her and approaches, grinning and studying her face with wide eyes. “I almost didn’t recognize you!”</p><p> </p><p>Asuka hunches over in her hoodie self-consciously as he looks at her. It’s subtle because of the amount of time she spends running around chasing after volleyballs, but the effects of estrogen on her body are definitely there; the size of her chest and the curve of her hips are unmistakably feminine. After all, five years of estrogen should leave her with something to show for it, but maybe he won’t notice it.</p><p> </p><p>“Hello,” Asuka says, trying to keep her voice as quiet as possible so that Suga can’t hear how high it’s gotten. She’s been training it for a while now, but the nerves in her stomach have managed to push it higher than she ever could.</p><p> </p><p>“Your hair’s so long,” Suga comments, gesturing to her shoulder length hair. Asuka shrugs. “It looks good on you, though. I like it.”</p><p> </p><p>“Thanks.”</p><p> </p><p>“Are you here visiting your family?” Suga asks, and Asuka knows it’s just an innocent question, but it feels like a personal attack. She shakes her head.</p><p> </p><p>“I came with Shouyou,” she says, and the words come out a little harsher than she means them to.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh?” Suga says, and Asuka flushes at the implication in his voice.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s not like that,” she says, forgetting that she’s supposed to be trying not to talk. “We’re roommates, and best friends. I don’t like people… like that.”</p><p> </p><p>“Okay,” Suga says, like understanding it is that simple. Asuka can’t remember the last time someone just understood anything about her. “So, how have you been?”</p><p> </p><p>“Good,” Asuka says. It’s almost weird that she actually means it. She never would have guessed back in her high school days that she could say that and actually mean it. “We’re spending some time with Shouyou’s little brother before he leaves for university.”</p><p> </p><p>Suga’s eyebrows knit together, and Asuka immediately realizes her mistake.</p><p> </p><p>“Natsu?” he asks.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah,” Asuka pushes out weakly. She feels like her legs have turned to jelly.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, he must be excited,” Suga says. “Where’s he going for university?”</p><p> </p><p>Asuka’s shoulders loosen just a little. “Tokyo.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, moving to the city? That’ll be a change,” Suga says, and laughs lightly. “I mean, you remember how the team was when we went there to practice against Nekoma for the first time.”</p><p> </p><p>“You’re not gonna say anything?” Asuka asks before she can stop herself.</p><p> </p><p>“Hmm?” Suga hums quizzically. “About what?”</p><p> </p><p>“Well, I mean…” Asuka trails off. She feels bad talking about Natsu when he isn’t here, basically outing him to a stranger. She would hate it if someone did that to her.</p><p> </p><p>“Kageyama, if you wanna talk about something, we can talk,” Suga says, adjusting the mostly-empty basket on his arm. “We may not be in high school anymore, but I’m still your senpai.”</p><p> </p><p>“I just…” Asuka shuffles her feet awkwardly. “You can tell that I’m different, can’t you? That I’m…”</p><p> </p><p>“Not a man?” Suga says, and his voice is gentle. “I figured. I just didn’t wanna put you on the spot.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh,” Asuka says stupidly. “Yeah, I’m… a woman.”</p><p> </p><p>“Okay,” Suga says. “What’s your name?”</p><p> </p><p>It’s such a small, simple thing, but the fact that he asks makes her stupidly happy.</p><p> </p><p>“Asuka,” she says.</p><p> </p><p>“Kageyama Asuka is a good name,” Suga says.</p><p> </p><p>“Thanks,” she says. “It uses the characters for ‘fly’ and ‘bird.’ Shouyou helped me pick it. He thought it fit pretty well.”</p><p> </p><p>Suga grins at her. “It does.”</p><p> </p><p>“Excuse me,” a woman says as she scoots past Suga to get to the produce he was looking at earlier.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, sorry. I’ll get out of your way,” Suga says, smiling apologetically. He moves away from the woman and looks back at Asuka. “Did you want to talk about anything else?”</p><p> </p><p>She wants to say yes, tell him a million different things that have happened in her life since he graduated. She wants to talk to him about how her parents threw her out and how Shouyou came to her rescue and how she’s pretty sure she would be dead if it wasn’t for volleyball and the team they created, even now when it’s been eight years since they’ve all been on the court together. She wants to tell him that he taught her how to really be a setter, and that their team taught her how to really be a person. She wants to tell him that seeing him today made her realize that she really, really regrets not telling the rest of her team when she had the chance.</p><p> </p><p>She doesn’t, though. She’s glad she got to talk to him again, but they’re not exactly close like they used to be. They’ve got their own lives now, apart from each other. They’re not teammates anymore. She thought she got over that a long time ago, but maybe she hasn’t.</p><p> </p><p>“No, but thanks,” she says. “It was really nice talking to you, though.”</p><p> </p><p>“You, too,” he says. “We should keep in touch. Do you still have my old number?”</p><p> </p><p>“Uh, yeah,” Asuka says. “I don’t really delete contacts.”</p><p> </p><p>“Well, good. It hasn’t changed. Text me, if you want. Maybe we could have a little team reunion, or something,” Suga says. “I know Daichi thinks about you guys a lot.” Suga hums, twisting the ring on his left ring finger thoughtfully. “I think he misses that team the most, since it was our last in high school.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh,” Asuka says. “Are you two…?”</p><p> </p><p>Suga looks to her and blinks, then looks to the ring on his finger. “Oh, yeah. Six years next month. We’re not technically married, since, you know…”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p> </p><p>“We got each other rings, though. I got him one first, and then he insisted on not being outdone, so… yeah.” Suga shrugs.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m happy for you,” Asuka says truthfully.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah,” Suga says, staring at his hand and thumbing the ring lovingly. “Me too.”</p><p> </p><p>“I should go,” Asuka finally says. “They’re gonna wonder what’s taking me so long.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah,” Suga says, grinning. “I should hurry, too. It was good to see you, Asuka.”</p><p> </p><p>She freezes for just a second at that, and something warm pools in her chest. “Yeah. It was good seeing you, too.”</p><p> </p><p>He waves at her again like he did when he first spotted her, and then they go their separate ways. The entire time she spends looking for the things Shouyou’s mom sent her to get, she thinks about their conversation. By the time she’s finished checking out, she’s pulling out her phone, ignoring the <em>where are you?</em> text Shouyou’s sent her, and opening their group chat with Tadashi, Hitoka, and Kei.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>You’ll never guess who I just ran into while I was at Shimada mart</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>S: who?</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>H: if it isn’t a famous lesbian artist who asked if you knew any cute girls to which you answered yes and gave her my number then do I really want to know</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>K: I literally don’t care.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>T: Tsukki be nice</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>K: Shut up, Tadashi.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>T: no</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>H: rip kei your boyfriend is no longer a helpless bottom</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>T: hitoka pls</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>S: no let her speak</em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Asuka smiles, beginning to type out the story as she walks back towards the Hinata household.</p><p> </p><p>Things aren’t the same as they were in high school, but would she even really want them to be? She still has Shouyou. She will always have Shouyou. She will always have friends who care about her, even if their lives don’t always end up in the same place. That will never change.</p><p> </p><p>No matter who she plays for, they will always be her team.</p>
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